Of sake, beaches and zucchinis
by ZiaLiaLis
Summary: They're at the beach, Tsuna is drunk and he unofficially proclaims himself to be the Zucchini lord. What more can I say? WARNING: First attempt at crack, OOC characters. Oneshot.


**Title:** Of sake, beaches and zucchinis  
**Warnings:** Horrible attempt at crack, OOC characters, plain retardedness.  
**Prompt:** "Hey zucchini, take of your bikini!" - prompt's barely been fulfilled though.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn in any way at all.

. . . . . .

Seeing a drunken Tsuna was well... it depends on your situation and perspective really.

Let's replay what happened here shall we?

_Rewind and replay_

"Dame-Tsuna."

Tsuna looked up, eyes slightly widened, wondering what his Spartan tutor had for him this time.

"We're going to have a holiday at the beach."

_Living in the present_

After living with a crazy baby who was the top hit man in the strongest mafia group for a little over a year, what other things could surprise you?

A trip to the beach. Yes, a trip to the beach for _holiday_ and not _training_.

Tsuna should have known from the very start though, that anything involving Reborn would never be normal or a holiday or heck, it wouldn't even be _safe_. It would either be life-threatening or social life-threatening.

In this case, the trip to the beach was both life _and _social life threatening.

Fighting off a giant octopus belonging to one of the Arcobaleno, nearly having your head smashed in when you are having a watermelon smashing competition, assassination attempts and most of all, being made a fool in front of the person you like?

Not a very nice trip I'd say.

But I digress. We are here today to talk about Tsuna being drunk. I guess we should start at the very last night of the beach vacation…

"A… Aren't we too young to drink sake?" A young, terrified Tsuna asked. Who knew if the drink was drugged by Reborn?

"Maa, Maa Tsuna! I don't think its sake. It's just some juice. Right kid?" Yamamoto intervened.

Looking at the cup doubtfully, Tsuna took a whiff of the contents.

_Yep… definitely sake… _

The all too familiar sound of a gun being loaded entered his ears, causing his awareness to rise.

Snapping his head to the left, the tip of a gun was pointed toward him.

The sun arcobaleno replied forcefully, "Its **juice **Tsuna."

"Tenth! It **is **juice!" Tsuna's self proclaimed right hand man said.

As the rest of the group assured him that is was indeed juice, _plain _juice, Tsuna had no choice but to believe them.

Well, he didn't actually have a choice the moment reborn gave him the cup but that's out of the point.

_~Celebrate good times, COME ON!~_

"CHEERS!"

The cup is slowly rising… slowly, to his mouth. It touches his lips, and… TSUNA DRINKS THE "JUICE"!

Tsuna gagged.

"R- Reborn… Are you sure this is juice? My throat is… burning," Tsuna mumbles, hand clutching his throat.

"Tsuna-kun? Are you alright?" Kyoko asked, her face showing naïveté and concern due to Tsuna's increasingly rubescent face.

"Ju-juudaime?" Gokudera stutters when Tsuna started swaying back and forth in his seat on the sad, almost as if he was… _drunk._

"You allll… BOW DOWN BEFORE *HIC* ME!" Tsuna exclaimed, fingers pointing at the group hanging out by the beach.

Reborn merely smirked and left stealthily.

Let's focus on the chaos Tsuna is causing shall we?

"From now on, I am the ZUCCHINI LORD. AND YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME."

Tsuna cackled as he stood on the make shift table, attempting to look down on all of them but looked up instead.

"YOU ARE ALL NOW MY ZUCCHINI FOLLOWERS, BOW OR *hic* ABYSMAL RESULTS WILL OCCUR!"

Now, when did Tsuna learn more complicated words?

"J-Juudaime! Are you alright?" Gokudera exclaimed, unsure of whether to be proud or absolutely terrified.

"Hah? You… YOU SHALL BE OCTOCCHINI. And YOU with the *hic* baseball… YOU BE BASECCHINI."

"Ju- Juudaime! For me… as your right hand ma-"

"HAAHH? YOU'RE MY RED HAND MAN?"

"Re- red hand man? Tsuna, are you alright?" Yamamoto asked, his face mirthful, about to break out into laughter.

"I'm perfectly alright basecchini," Tsuna huffed, posture in an akimbo and lips pouted.

"NOW BACK TO YOU OCTOCCHINI. You are unqualified as my red hand man. YOU SHALL NOW BE SUPERSEDED BY EXTREMECCHINI."

Do I really need to explain who extremecchini is? No right? On with the story.

Gokudera seemed to be on the verge of poignancy. He started to soliloquise as he sat down on the sand, rocking himself back and forth before promptly passing out when his sister, Bianchi came out from the sea bringing a watermelon. Without anything covering a slight bit of her face.

"THIS IS EXTREEEMMMEEE! LET'S PLAY EXTREME CRUSH THE WATERMELON!"

Tsuna's face turned pale.

"W-w- wa… Watermelon…?"

All eyes turned to look at him.

"No… I REFUSE. GET SOME ZU*HIC*CCHINI!"

Tsuna sat on the ground and started flailing, much like a child when throwing a tantrum.

Once the watermelon was hidden from his view however, he calmed down. His attention was then turned to Haru and Kyoko, the two girls at the side, all the while giggling at his drunkenness.

Tsuna pointed a wobbly finger at them while flashing a genial smile in their direction.

"Hey zuchinnis, take off your bikinis."

Both girls turned rubescent, shocked at Tsuna's courage and foolishness with such a stupid pick up line.

"Alright, who said that?" Tsuna shrieked, causing Shamal to reveal himself with a disarming smile.

"HAHI! IT"S THAT PERVERT!" Haru shrieked, Shamal's disarming smile wasted on her.

Kyoko nodded in agreement, her face slightly frowning.

"That was my newest pick up line. BIANCHI-SAN~~ GO OUT WITH ME~"

He left with purple _poisoned_ food all over his face though- along with Bianchi chasing after him for disturbing two young girls with such retarded and inappropriate 'love'.

The beach was silent for a few minutes before the tension suddenly rose.

Hibari appears right behind Tsuna, face dark, hands gripping his pair of tonfa tightly. Glaring at Tsuna, his dark aura became even darker.

"For such ignominious acts on the Namimori beach, you will be bitten to death."

_Back to the future_

Tsuna lay in bed, barely even being able to talk. His eyes had rings of black and bruises all over courtesy of Hibari's tonfas.

"Now you have gotten the basic knowledge of drunken martial arts. You still need more practice and training though, if you couldn't even go through all that safely."

Reborn smirks while sitting at the edge of Tsuna's bed, already planning for Tsuna'snext training regime.

. . . . . . .

**A/N:** FFN TOOK AWAY MY PRECIOUS DASH BREAKS. ASHIRARARARARA. Written for to fit my underwear's prompt, "Hey zucchini, take of your bikini." Anyway, my horrible attempt at crack. As you can see, it's horrible. There's no plot, no climax, no nothing. Don't lie and say it's good. ;[ Will be edited in the future for any mistakes.

**To fit my underwear:** HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED. even though it's so horrible.


End file.
